It’s been quite some time again since my last post here, and, again, I’ve been meaning to post for quite some time, but just haven’t got around to it.
This year has been, to use a euphemism, something else. It’s had its positive moments, don’t get me wrong, but at times, I’ve wanted for nothing more than to see the end of it. I’ve bitten off more Scouting than I could reasonably chew without choking, and it’s brought me horribly close to giving it all up. At this time, I’m not going to share this on Facebook, as I don’t want to worry anyone, this is largely just for me to get my thoughts in order.
The problem has been that, like I said, I’ve given myself too much to do, and have approached it with just the same level of organisation as before (which is not enough). I have enough time to do everything, I just need to be more organised, and I need to delegate more, need to talk more to my colleagues. What has been happening is that I’ve come up to an event or meeting, realised I haven’t organised it properly, not had time to organise it at that point, then cobbled it together at the last minute. I’ve then not had the time or space to recover and plan the next event before the same has happened again. Then so on and so forth until, here we are, at the end of term, with just one Scout and one Cub meeting to go. At least I now have some time off during which to organise the final bits for Charnwood, which is now just a fortnight away.
Over this last term in particular, things have been fraught, and it’s made me resent Scouting. There have been many Scout meetings over the last couple of months where I’ve really not wanted to be there. This is a horrible thing to say, as we have a fantastic troop of Scouts and fantastic leaders (though not enough of the latter and perhaps too many of the former). I’ve felt that way because I’ve not (forgive the pun) been prepared. Many meetings have been planned half-heartedly, and it’s felt half-hearted in the running of the meetings as well.
So, what to do then? Like I said, there have been times, coming back from a meeting, where I’ve had thoughts of leaving, getting my life back. As I’ve then thought about what it would do to the troop, the pack, the group, it’s made me even more miserable at the prospect of letting everyone down. Then, of course, I’ve had a drink to console myself, which, predictably, adds to the problem. But, with my reasonable, straight-thinking head on, I know very well that I’d be lost without Scouting now. I have the life that I want. I just have to manage my time better, talk about these problems with my colleagues. I also need to do more to elevate my mood – several times I’ve tried to look at meditation, mindfulness etc., but it’s fallen by the wayside.
That’ll do for a start. Check back later… hopefully not too much later.
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